SURRENDER: “It means to give up,& I’m okay with that”

This story first appeared in the August 2024 print issue of FAMIGLIA. Learn more about the other stories in this issue.

What does it mean to surrender?  That is a question that has entered my mind many times lately.  

I imagine a white flag raised and waving in the air; a feeling of defeat and the tears that follow.  

Or maybe it’s the throwing of hands in the air and in anger walking away and saying “I give up, I surrender, you win.”   Maybe it’s desperation and pain.

I hear the word ‘surrender’ in places online, in books, in church, and in unusual places and conversations – so much so that it makes me take pause, breathe, and contemplate:  “what does it actually mean to surrender?”

 I’m sure surrendering in everyday context means surrendering to the enemy whether in war or battle or an opponent in a game.  

Surrender has taken on a different meaning these last few months.  

What if surrendering to a loving God isn’t bad? 

Does it mean I am battling against God if I feel like I have surrendered and lost the battle?  Maybe what I need to do is ‘lose’ to myself.  Maybe I need to lean all of myself into God and surrender to someone who knows and loves me more than I can ever know and love myself.  

These are all questions I ask myself.  Imagine a life of giving yourself to God and trusting that He will give you whatever grace you need at any given moment – whether it’s in times of happiness or pain.  

Surrendering means so much more than just giving up and feeling defeated.  

Can we surrender to God knowing that he will take care of us and our needs; Giving us whatever mercy we need when we need it?   

But this is hard right?

Why is it so hard to surrender to someone that loves me?

Maybe it’s lack of trust or a feeling that I know more and can do better (but come on, who knows more and can do better than God?  No one).  

Every time I feel myself going down the road of worry and anxiety, I hear the word “surrender” in a still small voice, in an email or a conversation.  This is when I breathe and say “I surrender, God, you got this.  You gave the Israelites enough manna for just one day, you will give me enough grace for just this moment now and then will provide me with more in the next moment.”

Whenever I feel that anxiety creep in and I’m brought to the words of Father Dolindo,  “Oh Jesus I surrender myself to you, take care of everything.”  With each time I say it I breathe a little easier, my shoulders relax a little more, and I sink right into Jesus’ arms.

Because you see surrender does mean defeat and surrender does mean giving up but it means defeat and giving up my anxiety and fears.  

And what a freeing feeling I feel when I no longer have to carry those burdens and fears and I can surrender them all to God….Take care of everything. ■